life is a facade. however cliche it may sound and all, people keep putting up shows. i wonder for who. themselves? those around them, maybe? then we think, who gives a shit about what other people think? and we stop and ponder over that again and conclude, well, everybody gives a shit about what everyone else thinks. why do we have to go on and try and please others? why don't we live for ourselves? it's precisely because of the way the world is engineered. competition stimulates growth. and in the process, hatred, pain, hurt, jealousy, envy, unhappiness. live for yourself blahblah, bullshit.

i think maybe going to london is good after all. leaving all these behind. what lari said was right. escapism. it ain't a good thing. but looks like it ain't a bad thing after all. ha. need to break out of rituals. need to have a brand new start. change my perception of things. look from another perspective. and meet new people.

familiarity breeds contempt. i dare say it breeds fear. fear to not succeed again, to fall prey into what one thought one could so easily master. but then again that doesn't mean we cannot emerge victorious once again. it only takes time i suppose.

oh well. what an incoherent post. bye.