j2 life ain't easy. no matter how much effort i put it, nothing seems to pay back. and yes i'm working hard but sometimes i wonder what's the use? what's the use of studying so hard and forgoing all your time, and most importantly, friendships and relationships? what is happiness like? do i really want to be happy, or just not fall behind everybody else?
whatever the answers to those questions are, i probably won't change what i've been doing all these years, i probably will just be the same old me at the end of the day. blame it on my character, blame it on the way of life, but really, maybe it's my fault? i guess i've to come to a compromise, but then again, i never seem to do so. at the end of the day, it's just back to square one.
i'm so drained, physically and mentally. i can't go through each day without feeling tired. and it's irritating and vexing, because sometimes i really admire those who are so happy and high and can keep that spirit all day. i wonder how that feels like.
remain positive, remain optimistic, think of happy things... all these can't and won't work anymore. i just get the feeling that my future is so bleak, and i'm totally killing myself, and i won't be truly happy at the end of the day. happy. what does that even mean.
|7:53 PM|